According to Adam Cecil and the Urban Dictionary, ” ‘Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire’ is a phrase that children like to scream at each other whenever they think the other is lying. They also like to scream it at adults who tell them stories about fairies. It is an overall stupid thing to say, since if your pants actually caught on fire when you lied, more politicians would be dead.”
Research shows that many fears of potential adoptive parents come from common myths that are perpetuated not only by the misinformed public but also by the adoption “professionals” themselves. Many people become angry sometimes because they believe the myth so strongly that to let go of it or to realize the truth, will be painful. Believing the myth could cost them a lot of time, money and stress; things not taken lightly by a potential adoptive parent.
How does this happen? The misinformed public hears a friend or family member talk about how expensive and long their adoption took and believes that is how all adoptions happen. They could hear an adoption professional say, ” I have never personally experienced a fast, free adoption.” therefore implying it is not possible.
I am approached daily with questions about adoption. I am still shocked at how many times I hear the same questions. I give the same answers and see the same reactions and I ask myself “How have these myths have been so prevalent for so long?”. It seems that without any known coordinated effort or master marketing plan in place, the world has been repeating this misinformation and perpetuating these myths for a long time. Much to the detriment of children needing permanent homes!
For every person who calls with a question, I give them an answer with a real life example as living proof that the truth prevails. Adoption is possible, fast, free and usually easier than adopting a pet or buying a home. It can be done with little or no drama. You choose your path and choose your support system if you wish. It can be life changing for all involved in a positive way.
Adoption can cost a lot of money but some adoption is free. Of course those making money in the adoption industry may not want to talk about the free adoption option over what they are selling. I get it, but I bet perspective adoptive parents most likely would choose to at least hear about the free adoption over what they are selling. Like any other business if you tell your customer at the checkout “Hey, this is free next door” you might not be in business for very long. There is free from the beginning adoption and there is free after the fact adoption. These are both explained with charts and resources in our adoption courses– Adoption 101 course ,How to do a $0 Adoption and a few others at AdoptionDiscovery.org. Some adoptions do cost but I believe you should be able to make that choice? Some adoption cost has really skyrocketed over the years. Why, because countries and adoption professionals know someone will pay for it. What is going on here? I think it is supply and demand mixed with a large dose of emotional buying!
***Dan Kennedy explains emotional buying this way:” E-Factors are the emotional drivers of buying behavior. The fact is everybody’s buying behavior is driven by emotions, then justified as necessary, after the fact, with logic. The generic factors that apply to everybody are: fear, guilt, pride, greed, love.”***
In addition, a percentage of the families we help are considering adoption after a long road of infertility. Add the stress of surviving that process and you have a candidate for emotional buying. These families have most likely already experience guilt, loss, anger and denial and then they are approached by an adoption professional who will make it all better for a price tag. After the cost of infertility discovery and treatments money is a hot topic regardless of income level yet many are still willing to move forward at any cost. Many adoption professionals, knowing this, take advantage of the client. Show them a picture of a child in need and the amount the emotional buyer will pay will go up. We will discuss this in a later post dedicated to money and adoption.
Time is another big myth. Why does it take so long? If there are so many children waiting to be adopted why are adoption professionals and countries making the process so long and drawn out? If children are in orphanages and group homes all over the world waiting to be adopted, what is the hold up? Should not there be a standard process that should take place in a reasonable amount of time?
Return of Birth Parent Myth
Another perpetuated myth is the fear that the birth parents will return and take the child back. Statistically this happens in less than 1% of U.S. adoptions and there are ways to avoid it 100% of the time. Many television shows and newspaper reports are so dramatic and full of emotion they literally scare people away. We watch and cringe and I hear people discuss the drama as if it happens in every adoption. Following proper legal guidelines can lead to a secure adoption.
Myths have taken adoption to another lever and not just in America but worldwide. When people consider adoption these myths float through their minds and their discussions with friends, families and neighbors. It is one reason why 80 million people consider adoption and less than 1% actually adopt.
Talk about bad public relations.
Where can people get the truth? Are there any straight answers for their adoption questions? Another myth is there is no support for the adoptive parent without someone charging them and adoption fee.
Adoption can be free! Adoption does not have to take a long time! Children can be protected from returning parents! There can be real support, real answers and real help. It is why I founded AdoptionDiscovery.org. It is why I am writing this blog post. It is why hundreds of people have adopted children for zero dollars, in less than nine months, not fearing the birth parents and feeling supported every step of the way.
Adoption Discovery can educate you on the adoption truth and help you spread the word to those that might be in the midst of the struggle with a myth themselves. Fear is the best friend of misinformation and that is not a good place to be when trying to adopt a child in need of a place to call home.
Here are Video Courses to help with these topics:
Adoption, What Are My Choices?
Choosing An Adoption Agency
Facilitators, Who Is Legal?
Finding the Best Lawyer
Want to Volunteer: Take action send a link to this blog post right now to someone you know considering adoption.